On the Murder of Sarah Everard

My heart has been heavy and my chest filled with rage this week as Sarah Everard's 'Police Officer' murderer was convicted only a week after the body of Sabina Nessa was discovered in a London park.

I was growing up in Leeds aged 11, when Peter Sutcliffe, the so-called 'Yorkshire Ripper' murdered his first victim, and was attending school a mile from where he operated. And I just accepted it as normal that I mustn't walk alone at night, or in a dark place. I still do and I've taught my daughter the same.

But it shouldn't be this way and I'm sickened at the media advice to women about how we can keep ourselves safe whilst failing to guide men about how to avoid violating a woman. Grace Alexander (a past guest on my podcast) captured this point exactly in a recent Instagram post:

"On BBC Radio 4 right now:' If you are a lone woman and you are stopped by the police what should you do?'

Never 'if you are a man and you have noticed that you have been watching more and more violent pornography, what should you do?

Never: If you are a man and you have noticed yourself getting more and more insecure and irritable with your partner, and it feels like you can't control your actions any more, what should you do?"

She continues with further examples and it's well worth reading, and discussing with the men in your life if you are able. The subject of sexual abuse is so taboo that men who are experiencing these difficulties, who don't necessarily want to act on them, can find themselves in a spiral not knowing how to get help to manage themselves.

I'm not condoning murder or rape by any means - just recognising that often men aren't taught to manage feelings - they're conditioned to stay 'strong' - which can be translated as not feeling their feelings. And that's part of the problem and men who are struggling need help.

Stopso can help…

Stopso is a charity that offers therapeutic treatment to people in danger of committing sexual abuse and to those who have experienced sexual abuse.